Welcome to the Tyranny of Expectation
by Stephanie Creaturo
My first yoga class – ever – was at the City Gym on Bedford & Metropolitan in Williamsburg, in the all-purpose rec room up the stairs to the left of the front desk. The mat was a super-squishy and clearly of the all purpose exercise variety. There were googly eyes on the floor from the room’s previous tenants – the kids arts and crafts class. I expected I’d be “good” at yoga, like I was at running. Spoiler alert: this was not the case.
I was shocked at how hard the class was. The teacher spoke to me like an idiot. I was annoyed at having to use props; I saw them as training wheels. Where I came from, a hardcore runner ran even when was cold out – none of this treadmill shit. Same mentality should apply here, or so I thought.
I struggled to figure out the breathing. I wore the wrong clothes. I kept slipping on my yoga mat like I had banana peels under my hands. And, my ass was in the air half the time. Beyond being shocked at all the challenges before me, I was stunned my mom (who gently wore me down into trying yoga) liked it. I could not see my mom with her ass in the air. At all.
I left, and I only went back because I paid for 8 sessions in advance. (Note: This is only what I told myself. I went back because it was hard and I sucked at it and I wanted to not suck at it. The whole notion of actually “having a practice” didn’t enter my mind until zillions of down dogs later.)
Welcome to the tyranny of expectation. I showed up to class and it was all new – the language the teacher used to describe the body, how the body connects to the mind via the highway of the breath, how the body moved in space, the props, and that heart shit she kept blabbing about. It was overwhelming, intimidating, and awkward. Being a newbie required a level of vulnerability, which is such a hard place for me to be. Awkwardness, insecurity, and even shame, all pop up. And then, of course, there’s trust. Where is this person with the beatific smile taking me for the next 88 minutes? Oh my god, how long is 88 minutes? Apparently longer than ever as I slipped forward the first time. The teacher knelt down and pressed her hands on my hands. “Here’s your hand,” she said as she firmly but kindly grounded each knuckle into the floor. Before my first yoga class, I had never spent so much time on my hands. And because I expected (tyrant of expectation, party of one) to be good at yoga, just figuring out I had hands and what to do with them wasn’t all that comfortable, or enjoyable, or something I wanted to do again.
Once I figured out that was part of what I signed up for, I realized sticking my ass in the air wasn’t all that awkward after all. Or hard. “Cultivating willingness” meant acknowledging that my body is a storehouse – a storage space for every interaction, relationship, and experience I’ve had. There’s a level of control that I didn’t have over my body that was- and still is – mind-blowing. Really pondering how blood flows, how the nerves create intimate conversations along various parts of the body, how bone gets built, the essential functioning of each organ can be mind-blowing.
Past the land of sticking my ass in the air and trying not to slip on the brightly colored yoga mat was an excitement that was buoyed with potential. Despite grumbling about the class, I loved it. I didn’t know why when I tried to put it into words; it was a more visceral feeling. Over time, to this day, I am slowly learning how to build – on parallel tracks to each other — the muscles of compassion, acceptance, and potential; the tentacles of the witness heart; and strengthening and releasing the physical form. Believe me, the tyrant still pops up on all of those trains.
In Case You Missed: Untangling the Yoga Sutras with Jen Whitney
A dedicated group of yogis spent the last Saturday in April together exploring meditation. We considered how meditation relates to our yogasana practice, specific techniques within various traditions (with a special focus on the yoga traditions represented by Patanjali and the Bhagavad Gita), and ended with a meditation session together. As usual, I was grateful for everyone’s participation: asking questions, answering each others questions, and overall allowing the workshop to be a space of shared experiences and learning. The vibrations from our work together set the stage for a meditation session where time dropped away a little for all of us, and we were surprised when the timer went off.
I’m looking forward to continuing with the Untangling the Yoga Sutras series – bringing Patanjali’s yoga sutras into the yoga studio, but, most importantly, into our everyday lives in practical relevant ways. I’m also looking to add workshops on the Bhagavad Gita – which receives less attention in the states, but is also one of the key yogic texts.
Thank you yogis!
Jen
Celebrate Mother’s Day with Mala!
This Mother’s Day, come take a class with Mala. We have classes for mom’s at all levels of their yoga practice. Not around this weekend? Give your mom the gift of a private yoga session with one of Mala’s great teachers. Privates are a great way to deepen your practice with the personal attention of a one-on-one setting. Not sure what mom is looking for? We have gift certificates! Gift certificates can be used for drop-ins, class cards, privates, or one of our fantastic specialty workshops.
May’s Monthly Mala
From Angela, on Friday 4/29/11 – G is for “got it!”
It wasn’t late by any means, but I was tired and still had to finish up 30 minutes of meditation. However, I excused myself for the evening, as I had an engagement in Manhattan. When I got to the platform, it looked like I may have missed a subway train by a few minutes. I just shrugged it off, not thinking much about it. And so I waited…I stood there and watched as a train went by in the other direction, thinking, wow the trains are hopping tonight! Some time went by and I’m sure I was thinking about home and bed and all the wonderful things that relax me. Then, another train went by in the opposite direction and I thought, “how unfair…” After about 10 minutes the third train went by, again in what I was now calling the “wrong direction.” Now I was pissed. But, I immediately started to take deep breathes to regulate myself and started to worry about how late I would be up because of all the things I still had to do when I got home , like meditate…(lightbulb here please!)
Oh right!
Practice is what happens when you’re off the mat or cushion! I remembered one of my teachers saying, quite recently, that one has plenty of time to practice: waiting in line at the bank, waiting in line at the post office, and in my case, waiting on a platform for a train. I found a seat and did my practice. Too bad I waited 20 minutes to start it; however I did it.
My train eventually came — about 20 minutes after I finally let myself be still and silent in spaciousness.
May you travel the subways with these three graces… stillness, silence, and spaciousness.
Musings on the practice, while sitting under a palm tree in Costa Rica, by Lisa Stowe
“I have trouble letting go – letting go of frustration, anger, and sadness. I even have trouble fully relaxing into unambiguously nice things like massage. But yoga has helped me to let go. To be in the current moment, not the next one, or a moment that happened last week. But sometimes, despite my best efforts (or perhaps because of them) I seem to be in every moment but the present. I particularly feel this way whenever mats go to the wall and it is time to go upside down.
I am a type A, goal oriented person. A stated goal, along with a path to get there, is highly motivational. In many aspects of my life, this has worked splendidly. Academic efforts have generally been rewarded with success – I solve integrals, take derivatives, or develop a model like no one’s business. I’ve had continued success professionally. My kids’ bedroom maintains order despite the efforts of my boys (husband included). But this same determination breaks down when it comes to standing on my hands (or head, or forearms).
I look at inversions as a process with building blocks and steps along the way. Core strength? Check. Upper body strength? Check. Balance? Check. And so the list goes on. But when it comes time to put it all together, I freeze. I hesitate. And I stay upright, firmly on my feet. Yet I see others go into these poses with ease, and I get frustrated.
I don’t think it is humanly possible to dissect handstand any more than I have, yet I still need an assist getting upside down. One year ago, I had fully expected to be rocking handstand by now. Yet I’m not, and this failure to meet a goal is . . . okay. Fine, so I’m not a fabulous inverter, but I’ve come so far in other areas. I’m stronger, and love to arm balance. My down dog is now a different breed that does not have hunched shoulders. My angles are straighter, deeper, and more extended in extended side angle.
Most of all, I’ve learned to appreciate where I am now, and not to obsess about where I’m not. Now this does not mean that I’m not setting goals – it just means that maybe it will take me longer to reach my handstand goal. And instead of lamenting my inability to rock the pose, I’ll celebrate the other achievements along the way.”
Current Workshops Page Moved
We’ve moved our current workshop descriptions to MBO.
Click here to see what’s happening and sign-up for workshops.
Join us Saturday, April 9th at Triomph Fitness
Join Christina & Angela as they rock out some poses for the lululemon function show. Click here for more details.
Thank You Mala Community!
With your efforts we raised $1,203.00 for the Red Cross Benefit for Japan.
April: Monthly Mala
Spring cleaning – a time of renewal, of getting rid of stuff, of making life lighter on the inside and out.
What if, the next time you step on your mat, you do a reverse of this: bring everything with you. Beyond acknowledging your effort to get to class, look at the efforts of everyone in your life that got you there and supports your staying there: your spouse, your kid’s babysitter or teacher or playdate, your business partners, your friends. And be grateful. Maybe the class is crowded. Maybe you’re sitting next to a heavy breather who annoys you. Maybe the person’s feet right in front of your face are grody. Sure, the wordly annoyances are ever-present and there’s tons of snarky blog posts about yoga and yoga class etiquette these days. But, to tap into that kernel of true gratitude, can you laden your mat with all of the forces, people, and efforts that aligned to get you there and keep you there. Because, in the grand scheme of what we’re facing in the macro world and what’s happening in many of our micro worlds, that person’s feet are not a big deal. Remember, Jesus would have washed those feet. What Not To Wear would whisk that person to get a pedicure. And that person behind you? Is thinking the exact same thing about YOUR feet. So, take it all in before you lighten it all up. And do get a pedicure before stepping onto your newly scrubbed yoga mat for this weekend’s great events that kick off an April filled with great teachings. — Steph